I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
