Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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