ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
