I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
