my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
