better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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