I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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