TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
