his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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