I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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