you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
