One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
