i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
