Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
