Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
