All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize