Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
