I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize