Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
