Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
