Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
