Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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