So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
