Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
