dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
