Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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