So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
