well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
