I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
