He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
