I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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