So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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