the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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