he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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