Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
