he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
