did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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