its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
