Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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