I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
