Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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