my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
