I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
