You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
