I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
