First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
