They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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