Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
