The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
