I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize