so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
