His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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