I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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