it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
