Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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