i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
only you would photoshop your dick
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She bit a glass in half.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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