i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
