You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize