this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
