That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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