i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't turn off my feet"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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