what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
