I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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