I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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