well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
