Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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