He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
