Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
