I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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