just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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