Sponge bath it is.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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