we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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