I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize