I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
