Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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