My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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