Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
