what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
