Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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