how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
