u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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